Koom txoo Hmoob thoob ntuj

Kev sim lub tswv yim ntawm 3 tug yuav los sib tw ua thawj pwm tsav hauv xeev Wisconsin.  Lub rooj sib tham muaj rau hauv  Appleton,...

Xaiv tsa thawj pwm tsav 18Xeem xeev Wisconsin



Kev sim lub tswv yim ntawm 3 tug yuav los sib tw ua thawj pwm tsav hauv xeev Wisconsin.  Lub rooj sib tham muaj rau hauv Appleton, Wisconsin lub8 hli, tim 19, 2018.  Lawv 3 tug yog: Nao Vai Yang (nyob Milwaukee, WI), Zongsae Vang (nyob Milwaukee, WI), thiab Nao Nhia Thao (nyob Madison, WI).


When Prince Harry's ex-girlfriend, Cressida Bonas, showed up to the royal wedding this past weekend, she wore a colorful dress by E...

Dress at royal wedding labeled 'tribal' sparks Hmong outcry



When Prince Harry's ex-girlfriend, Cressida Bonas, showed up to the royal wedding this past weekend, she wore a colorful dress by English designer Eponine London.

Ordinarily, that wouldn't have been a big deal, especially 4,000 miles away in Minnesota.

But it was a big deal in Minnesota, home to the largest urban Hmong population in the United States.

Read full story here: https://www.mprnews.org

Hmoob 18 Xeem: Raws li thaum Vaj pov sawv los coj Hmoob nyob rau xov tshoj, sawv daws muab Hmoob los suav cov xeem muaj raws li nram qab...

Hmoob 18 Lub Xeem

Hmoob 18 Xeem:



Raws li thaum Vaj pov sawv los coj Hmoob nyob rau xov tshoj, sawv daws muab Hmoob los suav cov xeem muaj raws li nram qab no:

  1. Vaj/Vaaj (Vang).
  2. Tsab/Tsaab (Cha, Chang).
  3. Lis (Lee, Ly).
  4. Thoj (Thao).
  5. Yaj/Yaaj (Yang).
  6. Muas (Moua).
  7. Hawj (Her).
  8. Ham/Haam/Taag (Hang).
  9. Xyooj (Xiong).
  10. Lauj (Lor).
  11. Phab (Pha).
  12. Vwj (Vue).
  13. Tswb (Chue).
  14. Koo (Kong).
  15. Kwm (Kue)
  16. Faaj (Fang).
  17. Tsheej (Cheng).
  18. Khab/Khaab (Khang).

Zoo siab nrog peb cov nres xeem uas ua tau hauj lwm zoo heev rau peb Hmoob nyob Minnesota 2 xyoos dhau los no.  Cia siab tias 2 x...

Hmoob18Xeem nyob Minnesota





Zoo siab nrog peb cov nres xeem uas ua tau hauj lwm zoo heev rau peb Hmoob nyob Minnesota 2 xyoos dhau los no.  Cia siab tias 2 xyoos tom nej no nej tseem yuav ua tau zoo tshaj qhov no ntxiv.

200,000 xyoo dhau los, tsuas muaj leej tibneeg nyob rau ntawm daimav Africa xwb.  Lub zwjceeb no daimav pib qhua, tsis muaj nag thiab tsi...

Hmoob DNA


200,000 xyoo dhau los, tsuas muaj leej tibneeg nyob rau ntawm daimav Africa xwb.  Lub zwjceeb no daimav pib qhua, tsis muaj nag thiab tsis muaj dej.  Tsob neeg ntiajteb kev nrhiav nojhaus tu zujzus.  Leej tibneeg kuj yog tshuav tsawg heev.  (Yog tibneeg tu noob thaum ntawv, nws yuav tsis muaj nej losyog muaj kuv nyob rau ntiajteb niajhnub niam no.  Yog muaj koj thiab kuv, los tej zaum peb yuav yog tsiaj, kab, los xyoobntoo xwb.)  Lawv thiaj tsiv mus yos dua chaw tshiab nyob.  Tsis tas li, lawv thiaj tig los xav txog kev cawm lawv; xws li, yam twg thiaj noj tau thiab npaj hmuv, hneev thiab vos tau cawm tsiaj qus.  Xyoo dhau xyoo, lawv thiaj mus deb zujzus ntawm lawv lub chaw lawv ib txwm nyob.  Lawv thiaj mus txog rau tej chaw uas muaj dej, tsiaj, nrojtsuag thiab havzoov.  Txij ntawv los leej tibneeg thiaj vam zujzus tuaj. 

Raws li hais los no, Kuv tsuas piav tau me me li Kuv kev tshawbfawb thiab kawm tau xwb.  Nws tshuav ntau heev uas Kuv paub tsis txog thiab tsis tau kawm.  200,000 xyoo los rau niaj hnub no mas ntev ntev
heev li; nws twb dhau li ntawm 20,00 tiam neeg lawm.  Yog li Kuv mam muab teev tseg yoojyim rau hauv qab no.
  *200,000 xyoo dhau los, neeg ntiajteb tshwmsim nyob daimav Africa
  *150,000 xyoo dhau los, daimav Africa peb qhua thiab tsis muaj nag
  *70,000 xyoo dhau los, neeg khiav mus txog rau tebchaws India
  *50,000 xyoo dhau los, neeg khiav mus txog rau qabteb Asia
  *40,000 xyoo dhau los, neeg khiav mus txog daimav Australia
  *40,000 xyoo dhau los, ib co neeg mus txog daimav Europe
  *30,000 xyoo dhau los, neeg nyob thoob daimav Asia
  *14,000 xyoo dhau los, ib co neeg mus txog daimav North America

Cov neeg no yog tsiv ntawm daimav Asia, taug dej khov hla ntawm tebchaws Russia mus rau tebchaws Canada.  Lawv yog cov Khab uas nyob daimav North America thiab South America.
 
Txij thaum 14,000 xyoo dhau los no, neeg xyaum thiab paub ua qoobloo thiab tu tsiaj.  Xws li, qaib los ntawm qaibqus, aub los ntawm hma, npua los ntawm npuateb, thiab miv los ntawm plis.  Lawv paub cog pobkws, dib, taub, nplej thiab lwm yam.  Tejzaum yuav muaj tus xav tias neeg yuav paub uantej, tiamsis 14,000 xyoo dhau los mas ntev  ntev heev li lawm.  Nyuav qhuav li 500 xyoo dhau los xwb, cov neeg Khab tseem pab cov neeg Aaskiv cog pobkws nyob rau tebchaws America hos.  Niaj hnub no, ib xyoo twg neeg America thiaj ua lub koobcheej nco txog thiab ua tsaug thaum lub 11 hlis tim 26.

Ib tsoom Hmoob, nej puas xav tias txhua txhua tus tibneeg nyob ntiajteb no koom ib tsob?  Kuv muab xav los mas tu siab kawg.  Leejtwg los yeej yog yus tus txheebze vim thaum ub peb yog ib tug.  Ntxiv, txhua txhua tus
neeg puav leej muaj cov keeb ntshav DNA uas yog 99 feem puas sib xws nkaus.  Kuv vam hais tias zaj keeb kwm no yuav muaj nqi rau leej tibneeg txhua tus, thiab nws yuav ua rau leej tibneeg lub siab kaj thiab hloov
los xav txog kev sibpab, sibtxhawb, sibhwm, sibhlub, sib cogqhia thiab sib haumxeeb.

Ua tsaug.

noobneej
innoquest@yahoo.com

(note: yog koj paub txog peb Hmoob zaj dab neeg txog "Siv Yis" thov tuaj piav ntxiv rau peb cov hluas tau kawm....ua tsaug) T...

Siv Yis


(note: yog koj paub txog peb Hmoob zaj dab neeg txog "Siv Yis" thov tuaj piav ntxiv rau peb cov hluas tau kawm....ua tsaug)

Tus sau: Maiv Zuag Ham

Siv Yis pheej mus kawm hwj huaj ntawm nws tij laug, Npag Nag Phav, nws thiaj li mus pom nws niam tij muaj ib yam nroj tshuaj uas muaj hwj huaj heev.  Tsob nroj tshuaj ntawd yeej tsa tau txhua yam uas tuag lawm rov qab los.  Siv Yis thiaj li tau muab nyiag nqa los mus tsa neeg ntiaj teb kom rov qab ciaj los thiab muab coj los tiv thaiv nws kom nws tua tau ob tug menyuam ntxwg nyoog.

Tom qab Siv Yis tua nkawd tuag tag thiab tsa neeg ntiaj teb ciaj rov qab los tag nws thiaj li tau nce mus nyob saum qauj ntuj lawm thiab.  Ua ntej uas nws yuav mus nws tau muab nws cov twj neeb pov tseg nyob rau ntiaj teb.  Siv Yis tseem tau hais tias yog leej twg tsuj tau nws cov qub hneev taw ces tus ntawd yuav tsum tau los mus ua ib tug neeg uas txawm ua neeb los mus pab cawm thiab kho neeg ntiaj teb tej kev mob nkeeg.  Txij hnub ntawd los yog leej twg mus tsuj raug rau nws cov hneev taw ces lawm yuav tsum tau los ua ib tug txiv neeb.  Yog nws hnov pas xyab tsw, hnov lub nruas los sis tswb neeb nrov, nws yuav pib tshee thiab dhia paj paws heev heev.

Tus txiv neeb siv cov tsiaj no coj los mus kho ntsuj kho hlau thiab coj mus txhaws tus neeg mob lub qhov tuag kom tsis txhob muaj kev ploj kev tuag. Tus qaib, tus npua, thiab lub pob zeb raug siv thaum ua neeb kho tus ntsuj plig.  Xws li, menyuam mob taub hau los sis tug neeg ntawd tau poob plig. Tus roob ris yog siv thaum tus neeg mob ntawd raug dab zaj thiab dab nab qa. Tus qav yog siv thaum nws raug dab hav liaj hav av.

(Tseem Tshuav Ntxiv)

by Kao-Ly Yang Part I: Growing up in a Hmong Traditional Family.     Ann PajYeeb was born in Laos in 1975, the year where her peopl...

Why Must I Do Hmong Traditional Wedding?


by Kao-Ly Yang

Part I: Growing up in a Hmong Traditional Family.  

 Ann PajYeeb was born in Laos in 1975, the year where her people lost war and did flee to Thailand before coming to the United States of America. Ann's parents were from Xieng Khouang, a province near Vietnam. They belonged to the ethnic sub-group of White Hmong. The mother got married when she was just thirteen years old in 1970. The father was at that time seventeen years old. As many other people, her parents did not have any formal education. Farmers in the mountains of Southeast Asia, their expectation of a better life was simple: having enough to eat, having sons for the old days where they need support and care, and marrying their children to the best parties. From 1971 to 1990, the mother gave birth to eleven children, eight daughters and three sons. Five children were born in Laos and in Thailand, and six children in the United States.

Ann's family decided to come to the United States after a difficult two-years stay in Ban Vinai, one of the refugee camps in Thailand. It was 1981. The family reached San  Diego, California. Ann was six years old. Life seemed full of promises for her. As a child, Ann revealed to be very insightful, full of curiosity and of innocence. Her father, a well-known wedding mediator, always encouraged his children to learn and to respect norms, values and traditions. Ann, belonging to the first generation of refugees grown up in America, knew how to cook, to politely speak towards Elderly and relatives, to embroider beautiful pieces of fabric for a promising wedding and to take care of her young siblings. Growing up in such a conservative family and at school, Ann acquired a double culture, Hmong culture and the culture of the Mainstream society where she has been immerged.

Just a few years after they came to America, her two older sisters got married. One was fourteen years old and the other, sixteen. Ann did not follow her sisters' examples. She was not enough pretty to attract men: she did not have white skin, dark pearl-eyes, oval face, long hair, tall seize or sweet voice. In addition, her encountering with her teacher of eleventh grade changed her idea of success: she became aware that even girls could pursue higher education, which increased her self-esteem. After her sisters got married, Ann was more in charge of the domestic work. She had less time to do her school homework, as other teenagers. She never complained about that. Reaching the age of fourteen, Ann became the center of a daily attention on behalf of her mother. This latter knew that in the community, an early marriage guaranteed a "good husband". Otherwise marrying later would lead to a "bad husband"; disable, widowed or divorcee men were considered "bad". At any occasions, Ann's mother always reminded her to "speak nicely" to men.

When Ann got older, she refused to date men that her mother introduced to her. Facing such a stubbornness and daily disputes, the mother stopped encouraging her daughter to find a "good husband". Years passed. Ann got into college. Her household became more acculturated: the father accepted more his daughters'choice to study. Ann's mother also became more aware of higher education as an additional attraction to marry well even if during some long years, mother and daughter had been confronting each other on dating issues. Ann was particularly sad when her parents refused her to attend the university of California, Berkley even if she got a scholarship. Instead, she did pursue at Fresno State. They forbad Ann to study in Berkley because it was four hours driving away from Fresno. They believed, alone and isolated, she might be exposed to gang, to men who could abuse her or to other races that could take her away from her community. Although those struggles, in the year of 2000 where Ann was twenty-five years old, she finally accomplished her master degree in counseling.

Part II: Experiencing Love 

Ann felt in love two times in her young life. The first time was with a young man of the same ethnic origin as her's. She was fifteen years old; her date was sixteen years old. Her eldest sister advised her not to get married. And Ann trusted her because she saw her two brothers in-law daily violence, verbal or physical abuse, toward her sisters: The reason of such a violence was on marrying a second wife. This experience made Ann's mind up on early marriages. Marrying early was an obstacle for lasting relationships. Her undertanding helped her to move on with her platonic first love. Long time after, she knew that this experience of broken heart was a rich event that assisted her to better appreciate vulnerability in love relationship.

While taking the bus, she met her second love. She was just seventeen years old. Her new friend was a young and open-minded Latino American; he was four years older than her.

During this first decade in America, dating a non-Hmong was something completely unknown and unaccepted by her community of origin. Her family couldn't tolerate it. Fearing her parent's anger, criticism and rejection, she hid the relationship. This experience with her Latino boy friend was so different from her experience with a Hmong. He did not try to control Ann or to marry her at all costs. Ann was simply enjoying loving a man. It was a wonderful experience: she learnt to take care of herself as person with individual's needs and dreams. As her boy friend has passion for art and other cultures, he lead Ann to discover other visions of life in appreciating beauties in small things as well as in important things. His curiosity in helping others guided Ann to see beyond Hmong narrow views of clan competition and solidarity. He initiated Ann to empower her life in becoming aware of her needs, of her intellectual skills, of the existing multiple choices of careers. Later on, Ann will understand this chance. Without him, she wouldn't become aware of things that will make her old days rich and peaceful.

But in present time, Ann had somehow difficulty to understand his way of approaching issues such as living alone far from home to study, helping strangers or giving without expecting something in return. Life was quiet for Ann and her boy friend during two years. When he finished his four-year college, he got into a medical school in Chicago, so far from Fresno. He wanted to go because his dream was always to become a medical doctor. After tearing discussions, Ann finally accepted his choice. She knew that love toward such a man requested acceptance of this separation even if it might cost their love. At nineteen years old, Ann got into maturity that one could not expect. She understood that love involved separations and reunions, and distance might change feelings. During the first months of their separation, her boy friend did not often call her. Once, when she phoned him, a female voice answered her. She discovered in the following weeks that he had a new girl friend. Instead of depressing, she just ignored it.

This experience of separation suddenly introduced Ann to the universe of her mother -- somehow to all Hmong women' horizons. Being now more informed on grief and sorrows, she started to differently see life. She thought: "The acceptance of life depends more on the place one sits. Maybe, I need to change my place in order to better appreciate my experience". She understood the meaning of courage in what she called "weakness" in her mother's inconditional love toward her father, and in her eldest sisters' attaches toward their husbands. The women preserved their marriage and kept their children together at any emotional and physical costs. She also appreciated the great courage of these people who lived the life they chose even if they were rejected, banished from their own community. Life suddenly appeared to Ann with multiple choices on the ways of loving and living. She thought: "As a Hmong woman, I am lucky to live in America because I have choices".

After this sad experience, Ann committed her following five years to her professional growth. She was very lonely. Her past relationship had increased her understanding of human nature and needs. She cannot live alone. She needs to build a family. But she was hesitating between two choices: either marrying a Hmong and doing a Hmong wedding or marrying a Non-Hmong and avoiding any traditional weddings. Her experience of a cross-cultural love and her daily exposures to her mother and sisters' marital problems already convinced her that lasting loves do not exist. Concerning traditional weddings, she often questioned their cultural diversity and adequacy: "Why could Western people live together without any formal or legitimized marriages? Why do some cultures practice polygyny (
a man can marry several wives - it is the case of the Hmong culture) or polyandry (a woman can marry several men ? it is the case of Tibetan culture where a woman has to marry all the brothers of one family)? And why do some other cultures practice monogamy (one husband gets married to one wife)? Is marriage a more cultural and economic business than individualistic desires?" So Ann came to doubt about the greatness of traditional marriages.

Part III: Thinking of Getting Married To a Man That She Doesn't Love. 

Ann met a young man of her own ethnic group at the graduation of her master degree. They are both twenty-five years old. He seems kind but looks old fashioned. He is not talkative, and has no formal education. He belongs to a big household, and reveals to be the first son; there will be lots of duties for soon to be wife: she will have much more duties toward parents and lineage. After their first meeting, he kept callingAnn several times, and finally got a date with her.

The twenty-five year man believes that he is young with a good physical appearance, he is capable to attract Paj Yeeb. He expects his future spouse to give birth to many sons --sons that will benefit from her good education to succeed in life and to increase new strong male members with leadership skills in his lineage. He expects his wife to bring a complementary salary because his dream is to buy a house for his parents. He doesn't ask more questions about intellectual or psychological compatibility. He believes flowers and candies could buy the heart of a girl. He only visits Ann at home, in presence of her parents: he thinks this approach, a sign of respect, will earn the heart of the whole household. In simple term, his intention is to marry her.

As for the twenty-five year Ann, she pays attention to this young man because she feels old. Her mother, by dint of reminding her to find a man, finally succeeds to get Ann to date this fellow. The convincing argument is: "No good man would marry an old woman" and "Love will grow with time". Nevertherless, Ann is trying to find out more about him if they could be compatible regarding needs, psychological features and common dreams. In getting to know him more, she realizes that he is really a traditional man. He doesn't attract her intellectually and emotionally. He appears to be a good man. But, Ann has more questions in selecting a companion. "Is goodness enough to make me happy? Is he able to overcome traditional division of gender roles? How am I going to fit his conservative family? In the traditional setting, back in Laos, people got married because they need each other to survive. What is now the purpose of getting married if one can support oneself?"

Traditional women grown up in Laos wouldn't ask too much questions. But Ann is an acculturated young woman living in America. Her past experience opened her eyes to a world where love, compatibility and respect in marriage are like air to lungs. Ann is far beyond survival logic that still focuses on the reproduction of the group in having sons and in satisfying the basic needs such as food, minimum comfort (house, clothes), and sexuality. As for Ann, she would like to diversify her experiences in education, in professional growth, in leadership, in business, ?, in the enjoyment of life in its every aspect (traveling, reading, making friends, and having fun). She wants two children, and won't never mind if they're all girls. With such expectations from life, could Ann marry a man who doesn't have anything in common with her, and that she doesn't even love?

Part IV: Dilemmas in Hmong American Weddings. 

Ann's story digs Hmong American wedding issues out with its dilemmas. The first dilemma for a modern Hmong woman like Ann is to find an "appropriate husband". Life will be difficult for her if she came to marry a man who won't share her needs and vision of life. As for Ann, being aware of the gaps of socialization between her and the boy friend only shakes her mind The fact that Ann could think a marriage acceptable without love and compatibility is likely linked to her unconscious dependence to Hmong perception of age: with her twenty-five springs, she is considered by her people as an old girl, which makes her worry about finding a husband and a son in-law to please her family.

In addition, most of the socially acceptable husbands are already married. Women desiring to marry a man of common ethnic origin will have difficulty to find a match. The ones who did not marry yet may be ? as her mother repeatedly reminds her-- disable or men with problems. With her higher education, marrying an outsider will lead to a total rejection on behalf of her community. Indeed, most of the parents expect their children, especially people who reached college, to marry inside the group. And marrying a widow or a divorcee  will lead to to lose prestige.

Ann's second dilemma concerns the legitimization of her union. In her people's traditions, when a girl gets married, she has to pass by a rite of passage: the wedding happens to be a long and harassing negotiation where the groom must pay a
bride price.

In America, the bride price is an important amount of money that go from $6,000 to $9,000 (in 2000). If one add the other spending (food, renting of space, etc.,), the total may go from $8,000 to more than $15,000. If a young and poor groom could not afford spending such an amount of money, he would have to postpone the wedding or to buy "by credit" his wife in borrowing from banks. The lack of money may lead the couple of fianc├ęs into trouble because girls couldn't wait longer: they are afraid of losing time and good opportunities to marry a "good husband" when they are still fresh and desirable.

Among the overseas communities, the bride price is still practiced. Ann thought a lot about it. She knew that her parents could not avoid asking for a bride price. She understood that the bride price is a kind of guarantee for her safety: husbands would not physically --and emotionally--abuse wives like beating them or easily sending them back to their lineage after a few months of marriage. It is also a gain of face to parents. A high price means a good bride in term of beauty and education. Even if Ann understands the social and symbolic functions of the bride price, she is not insured of their appropriateness in the community now resettled in America. Ann's financial autonomy and education support a better way to legitimizing love. She hesitates between different ways of marrying:

1) do a traditional wedding where the groom has to pay a pride price,
2) an unique banquet (It is the case of people getting married to outsiders),
3) a legal wedding according American laws (Such a ceremony is not well considered by parents).

She knows that her parents, as other conservative parents, would like to have a traditional wedding to legitimize her union. Beyond her understanding of traditional wedding as a part of her culture and identity, Ann experiences a deep conflict of integrity: she thinks of her more as an individual apart with the power to choose her life, including the way she would like to celebrate her wedding, than as an individual living in an interdependence with her community, its norms, social standards, and values.

At the individual's level, in following her choice, she will hurt her parents, especially her mother. She is aware that she may generate conflicts with her parents for years. But how could she reconcile two different worlds with two different visions? She just wants to do a legal wedding, and no traditional celebration with laborious processes, no banquet in some fashioned and expensive places. For Ann, love is in itself a celebration of two people willing to live together. Does her choice of celebrating love fit the aspirations of her traditionalist and immature boy friend, of her conservative family? This dilemma between her own desire to marry according to her heart, and the cultural and community norms and standards, leads Ann to question about cultural determination in human being's happiness, individual's interest facing the interests of the group, love and social duties, courage to live the life she wants and courage to fit to her family and community expectations.

Part V: Narrator's position. 

As the narrator of Ann PajYeeb's story, I cannot give a happy or a sad end to her problem because I think there is no unique answer. It's Ann --like each of you, reader-- who has to find out her own way. She knows that her family and the society where she lives, studies, contributes cannot help her to find a culturally appropriate answer to make her fully happy. What I hope the most in writing this modern tale is to increase your awareness on Hmong American dating and wedding issues. When you face this issue, you will be inspired to find the most appropriate way to find happiness in this country rich of opportunities. I really hope this story will make you awake of the various existing ways to express love. I also hope this story will earn your heart, your compassion, and a bigger tolerance toward people who just want to follow their convictions.


"The following story is not my story. All characters and events are fictional. While writing this story, I  would like to make this issue more sensitive to readers.  I then used fictional approach to question the soundness of Hmong wedding  that I have been studying for several years as an anthropologist.
Writing about Hmong wedding is not at all easy because it has an indelible impact on women's destiny. Indeed, getting married in Hmong community constitutes a rite of passage sanctioned by a bride price where men and women acquire the status of adult, passing from childhood to adulthood. For women, it means a symbolic death where they are reborn in the husband's lineage.
In this story, Ann, the main character, questions the various wedding practices and reasons to get married while facing choices. She doubts the soundness of traditional wedding as the unique way to legitimize love. She is not the only one to feel the need of reinveting Hmong wedding in the West. Nowadays, marrying forms the core of misunderstanding and of conflict between parents and children.
While reading this story, I hope you, readers, will come to be more aware of new existing ways of getting married and will show more tolerance toward choices of marrying that you could not understand. I also hope this story will help you to find ways back home in becoming more tolerant toward your parents. Even if they refuse to share your choices of getting married, let's remember that parents are like the sunset. Just love them even if they do not agree on your choices. Life is short. Let us live in peace and with love."



SPECIAL REQUEST:
If you want, as a reader, you can suggest to me:

1.) The end that would fit Ann's profile to make her happy
2.) Or the end that YOU THINK the most appropriate?

Please, feel free to let me know your opinion at
HmongContemporaryIssues
Please, FEEL Free to let me know if you WANT TO SHARE YOUR COMMENT WITH OTHERS READERS. Suggestions of the end of Ann's story by other readers: to read them, click here

Copyright © 2003 Kao-Ly Yang
All rights reserved.

Nws Yog Pes Tsawg ne …Hmoob tus me nqi tshoob?  Tus sau: Pajnyiag Xyooj (University of Wisconsin-Madison) Txawm peb haiv neeg Hmoob ta...

Hmoob tus me nqi tshoob


Nws Yog Pes Tsawg ne …Hmoob tus me nqi tshoob? 
Tus sau: Pajnyiag Xyooj (University of Wisconsin-Madison)

Txawm peb haiv neeg Hmoob tau tsiv teb tsaws chaw, peb tseem txawj tuav peb tej kev ua dab ua qhua li thaum ub.  Ib yam tseem ceeb nyob rau txoj kev ua dab ua qhua yog kab tshoob kev kos.  Kab tshoob kev kos tseem ceeb vim hais tias txoj kev ua dab ua qhua no muab ob txoj sia los ua ib txoj lawm.  Tiam sis, nyob rau txoj kev ua tshoob ua kos, tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam peb Hmoob tseem tham txog.  Tsis yog hais tias tham thaum lub caij ua tshoob ua kos xwb, Hmoob yeej tham txog yam no sab nrauv thiab.  Tsis tas li ntawd xwb, cov laus nrog rau cov hluas yeej tham txog tus nqi mis nqi hno txhua zaum yuav ua ib rooj tshoob.  Txawm peb tej kev ua dab ua qhua twb nyob ntev npaum twg los, peb yeej tseem sib cav thiab tham txog tej yam no.

Li no, tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam teeb meem nyob rau peb haiv neeg Hmoob.  Yeej muaj cov pom hais tias yog muaj tus nqi mis nqi hno nyob rau ib rooj tshoob, ob tug menyuam yuav ntsib kev kaj siab thiab nkawv txoj kev hlub yuav tsis ploj. Tus nqi mis nqi hno muaj nuj qis vim hais tias nws txhais tau hais tias tus tub yeej hlub tus ntxhais kawg nkaus.  Vim li no, tus nqi mis nqi hno thiaj li tseem ceeb thiab yuav tsum muaj nyob rau txhua lub rooj tshoob. Txoj kev hlub yog ib yam tseem ceeb nyob hauv cov tub ntxhais hluas lub neej.  Thaum nrhiav tau kev hlub thiab ua ntej yuav ua tshoob ua kos, tus tub yuav tau los nrog nws niam nws txiv tham. 

Ua li no, niam thiab txiv yuav tau ua tib zoo xav txog tus ntxhais ua ntej pub nkawv sib yuav Niam thiab txiv yuav tau ua li no vim ob yam: Yuav tsum qhia niam txiv paub ua ntej saib ces Hmoob ntawd (1) puas yog neeg Hmoob zoo los [sis] yog Hmoob tsis zoo, thaum paub [hais] tias yog Hmoob phem ces tso tseg.  Thaum paub [hais] tias yog Hmoob zoo ces niam txiv tso lus kom mus yuav.  (2) Thaum ntawd niam txiv yuav tsum npaj tej yam txhiam xws tos nkauj nyab los txog… (Leepalao, 2000)

Ntawm no yog ib yam xwb ntawm cov kev mus yuav poj niam.  Muaj tsib txoj kev mus yuav poj niam.  Txiv Plig Nyiaj Pov, ib tug txiv plig uas tau tsim cov ntawm lasteem thiab sau txog kab tshoob kev kos nyob rau Nplog teb tau sau hais tias muaj li no:

1.   Arranged marriage: this is the cross-cousin marriage, arranged by the parents, and good for both families because they know each other.

2.  Mutual consent: the young man and woman request their parents’ permission to marry, and negotiations are favorably concluded.

3.  Elopement: the couple run away together and sleep in the young man’s house.

4.  Bride capture: a man and his male relatives “grab” the young woman in the fields or […] take her from her house.  Usually she has given some sign that she wants this.

5.  Forced marriage: the young woman is pregnant (Symonds, 2003).

Tsib txoj kev no pab tau tus tub seb nws yuav xaiv txoj kev twg los yuav nws tus poj niam.  Vim muaj ntau txoj kev mus yuav poj niam, yuav tau nug seb txoj kev twg thiaj li zoo tshaj los sis seb txoj kev twg niam thiab txiv pom zoo tshaj rau.  Np. T. ib tug niam tais muaj 82 xyoo, tau hais tias,

 “Yog tias tus tub nyiam tus ntxhais thiab tus ntxhais tsis yeem, yeej sib yuav tau lawm.  Tiam sis, niam thiab txiv yuav tsum pom zoo rau qhov no.  Qhov zoo tshaj yog mus hais nqi tsev xwb vim li no qhia tau hais tias tus tub yeej nyiam tus ntxhais lawm.”  Tsis tas li ntawd, LM. X., ib tug niam tsev muaj 45 xyoo, tseem tau hais tias,

“Nkawv sib nyiam, nkawv sib yuav xwb es.  Yog yus niam [yus] txiv pom zoo, ces nkawv sib yuav xwb.  Tuaj hais [nqi tsev] zoo dua vim [hais] tias qhov no qhia tau [tus tub] nws yuav sib hlub dua thiab nyiam tus ntxhais kawg nkaus.”

Zoo li tuaj hais tus ntxhais tom tus ntxhais lub tsev zoo dua lwm txoj kev.  Txoj kev no qhia tau rau tus ntxhais niam thiab txiv hais tias tus tub yeej hlub tau thiab tseem muaj peev xwm los hais tus ntxhais tsev neeg.  Txoj kev ib tug tub yuav xaiv los yuav ib tug poj niam yeej tseem ceeb rau nkawv txoj kev hlub.

Ua ntej yuav ua tshoob ua kos, tus tub thiab tus ntxhais ob tsev neeg yuav tau los sib tham txog tus nqi mis nqi hno.  Tus tub thiab tus ntxhais ob tsev neeg yuav tau xaiv plaub tug mej koob.  Maiv Zoov Vwj, ib tug poj niam Hmoob ua hauj lwm nyob Mas Dis Xeem, Wivcoosxis tam sis no thiab tseem tau ua tus thawj coj nyob hauv lub koom haum Hmong National Development tau nrog ib tug mej koob nyob rau Mas Dis Xeem, Wivcoosxis tham txog txoj kev ua ib tug mej koob.  K. X., tus mej koob no tau hais tias,

First of all, the two "mej koob" or marriage negotiators from each side are needed to be the messengers, negotiators, and deliver the wedding.  […] A wise "mej koob" will not ruin his reputation but an unwise one will ruin his reputation after the first couple of times.  […] Parents will use their grapevine to warn each other [about] "bad" marriage negotiators—those who take the wedding as an opportunity to abuse alcohol (drunkards) and those who deliver inaccurate messages between the parents (Vue, “Voices for the Heart: Traditional Hmong Marriage Negotiation”).

Li no, yus pom tau hais tias cov mej koob tseem ceeb heev thaum yuav hais tus nqi mis nqi hno.  Lawv txoj hauj lwm tseem ceeb rau ob pab tsev neeg vim hais tias ob pab tsev neeg tso siab rau lawv kom tau ib tug nqi mis nqi hno zoo.  Tus nqi mis nqi hno yuav yog hais tias niam tais yawm txiv thiab pog yawg pom zoo rau.  Yog ib tsev neeg tsis pom zoo, cov mej koob yuav tau sib tham kom txhua tus haum siab.  Nancy Donnelly (1994), tus sau phau ntawv, Changing Lives Of Refugee Hmong Women, tau sau txog tus nqi mis nqi hno li no:

In defining nqe mis for me, women tended to emphasize the process of raising the child, while men tended to emphasize the cost in such things as clothes or food.  […] For all the Hmong I talked with, bride wealth stood not as a representative of market value but as a symbol of social involvement (Donnelly, 1994).

Donnelly txhais tau hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno tsis zoo li ib tug lej yus nrhiav tau thaum mus yuav khoom tom khw; tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam qhia tau txog tus ntxhais tus kheej nyob hauv Hmoob zej zos.  Tsis tas li ntawd, Robert Cooper (1998), tus sau phau ntawv, The Hmong: A Guide to Traditional Lifestyles tau txhais hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno yog,

“There is, however, a form of bride wealth which remains with the bride, a wedding gift from her family which is not discussed with the family of the groom and which ensures for her a limited independence and security.”

Cooper tau txhais hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam niam tais yawm txiv tsis hais nrog pog yawg ua ntej yuav ua tshoob ua kos.  Tsis tas li ntawd, Hmoob muaj tus nqi mis nqi hno vim hais tias qhov no qhia rau niam tais thiab yawm txiv hais tias yuav tsis muaj teeb meem dab tsi rau tus ntxhais thiab nws yuav tau kev ywj siab thaum mus ua nyab lawm.  Tus nqi mis nqi hno yeej yog ib yam tseem ceeb tshaj plaws thaum ib tug tub thiab ib tug ntxhais xav los sib sau ua neej.

Nyob rau hnub tim 1 lub 6 hli xyoo 2003, lub 18 Xeem nyob rau Minixaustas tau sau ib txoj cai txog tus nqi mis nqi hno.  Xyoo 1996, Lub 18 Xeem los sis lub koom haus “Hmong United International Council of MN” tsim tau los pab Hmoob zej zos.  Lub Koom haum Hmoob 18 Xeem xav pab Hmoob li no:

1.      Assist Minnesota Hmong in their struggle to adapt to and work with the American legal, school, and cultural systems,

2.      Strengthen Hmong cultural connections and identities through education and the traditional and legal systems, and

3.      Build bridges and partnerships between the Hmong and other American communities (Xiong, Hmong Times, 12/16/02).

Lub Koom haum Hmoob 18 Xeem no muaj ntau lub rooj sab laj thiab tseem muaj cov “surveys” los sis cov lus nug rau Hmoob zej zos thaum xyoo 2001 txog txoj cai hais txog tus nqi mis nqi hno.  Txoj cai no hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno yuav yog $5,000 xwb—tsis pub tshaj (Hmong 18 Council, Traditional Hmong Wedding Dowry Policy).  Yeej muaj lwm yam tus tub thiab nws tsev neeg yuav tau them (i.e. thoob xo, saum rooj tshoob); tiam sis, qhov tseem ceeb tshaj yog tus nqi mis nqi hno.  Tam sis no, txoj cai no nyob rau Minixaustas thiab Wivcoosxis lawm.

Thaum saib daim ntawv no tag, yeej yuav muaj kev ntxhov siab.  Yog hais tias lub 18 Xeem twb muaj ntau lub rooj sab laj txog tej yam no thiab tseem muaj lus nug rau Hmoob zej zos, yeej yuav muaj ntau tswv yim los ntawm peb Hmoob sawv daws.  Tiam sis, lub Koom haum Hmoob 18 Xeem twb tsis hais txog cov tswv yim no li. Zoo li, txhua tus yeej pom zoo rau txoj cai no.  Tiam sis,yog muaj leej twg pom zoo rau ib txoj cai, yeej yuav tsum muaj leej twg tsis pom zoo rau thiab.  Tsis tas li ntawd xwb, txhua tus nyob rau lub 18 Xeem no yog txiv neej tag nrho.  Txhua tus yeej pom zoo rau txoj cai no vim hais tias tsis muaj cov poj niam nyob rau hauv lub Koom haum Hmoob 18 Xeem no los sib cav.  Yog muaj poj niam ntshe lub 18 Xeem twb tsis tau sau txoj cai no.  Tsis tas li ntawd, nyob rau lub 18 Xeem hauv xeev Wivcoosxis, tsis muaj leej twg los sawv cev ntawm pab Hmoob Tswb, Faj, Ham, Hawj, thiab Phab (Hmong 18 Council, Traditional Hmong Wedding Dowry Policy).  No tsis zoo vim hais tias txhua pab Hmoob tsis muaj suab los hais txog tus nqi mis nqi hno rau lawv tej ntxhais.  Lub 18 Xeem twb sau tag lawm txog txoj cai no; tiam sis, txoj cai no ua tsis ncaj tsis ncees lawm.

Ntxiv mus, yeej muaj cov pom hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam yuav tau muaj nyob rau txhua lub rooj tshoob xwb.  Nyob hauv phau ntawv, Calling in the Soul los ntawm Patricia Symonds, nws tau sau hais tias:

The bride price payment, referred to as the debt owed to her parents for her milk and food (“milk and care money,” nqe mis nqe hno), ties a woman to her husband and his lineage, giving them rights to her labor, sexuality, and reproduction.  […] If bride price is not paid, the groom’s family forfeits jural rights to the children.  If a woman doesn’t conceive, the groom may return her to her family, who then return the bride price (Symonds, 2003).

Qhov no txhais tau hais tias tus ntxhais muaj ntau yam pub rau nws tsev neeg tshiab yog hais tias nws yuav mus ua lawv tus nyab tshiab.  Tus tub thiab nws tsev neeg tau tus ntxhais txoj kev yug menyuam thiab nws txoj kev sib deev.  Tsis tas li ntawd, yog hais tias tus tub tsis xav them, nws tsev neeg tsis muaj txoj cai los tau cov menyuam tus ntxhais thiab tus tub yuav yug.  Yog hais tias tus ntxhais yug tsis tau menyuam, tus tub tsev neeg xa tau nws rov qab; li no, tus ntxhais niam thiab txiv yuav tau muab tus nqi mis nqi hno them rov qab rau tus tub.  Txoj cai tseem ceeb npaum no vim hais tias tus ntxhais niam thiab txiv yug tau nws loj hlo thiab nws muaj ntau yam yuav pub rau thiab pab tau nws tsev neeg tshiab.  Vim li no, ML. X.j, ib tug poj niam yug tau 5 leeg ntxhais hais li no,

Kuv tsis zoo siab rau qhov tsawg heev.  $10,000 thiaj tsim nyog.  Vim peb khwv khwv thaum nej tseem yau los.  Tus nqi mis no muaj nqi rau kuv kawg.  Twb khwv khwv tu nej, yuav tsum yuav nqi.  Ua li lawv zaj phee [nkauj]—“Kuv yug mob kuv plab nab!” (ML. X., 7/29/04)    ML. X. xav hais tias nws txoj kev yug nws tej ntxhais yog los ntawm nws txoj kev khwv noj khwv haus.  Yog li no, nws yeej xav tau ib tug nqi.  Yeej muaj cov hais tias:

 “Txawm muaj nyiaj los Hmoob yeej tsis muag.  Tus nqi tob hau yog rau niam txiv tus ntxhais xwb (V.V., 7/27/04).”

Qhov no qhia tau hais tias niam txiv tsis muab tus ntxhais muag kom tau nyiaj; tiam sis, niam txiv ntau tus nqi no li ib tug nqi tu tus menyuam hlob.  Tsis tas li ntawd, tus nqi mis nqi hno txhais rau niam thiab txiv hais tias lawv tus ntxhais yuav mus ua lub neej zoo tsis ntsib kev txom nyem thiab nyuaj siab li.  ML. X. tseem tau hais ntxiv hais tias:

“[Kuv pom] zoo [rau tus nqi tob hau] rau qhov [nws yog] kom nkawv sib sib hlub. Thiab txoj kev sib hlub yuav kav ntev zog yog tias yus them.  Tus nqi tob hau lav tau hais tias ob tug yuav ua neej zoo.”  Tus nqi mis nqi hno yeej yog ib yam yuav tau muaj nyob thaum yuav ua tshoob ua kos.

Yog muaj leej twg pom zoo rau tus nqi mis nqi hno, yeej yuav muaj cov ntseeg hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno tsis yog ib yam tseem ceeb nyob rau txoj kev ua tshoob ua kos.  Cov tsis pom zoo rau yeej tsis xav them vim ntau yam.  Muaj ib tug tub, P. H., nyob rau hoob 3 ntawm lub SEASSI program hais txog Hmoob tau hais li no:

“Yeej tsis xav them vim kuv twb cog lus rau niam txiv tias yuav hlub xwb.”

Ntxiv mus, yus pom hais tias cov tub tsis xav them tus nqi mis nqi hno vim nws txoj kev hlub tseem ceeb dua.  Ib tug ntxhais, NkH., nyob rau hoob 3 ntawm lub SEASSI program hais txog Hmoob tau hais li no:

“Yog hais tias nyiaj tsis muaj nuj nqi, ua cas tsis txhob muaj [tus nqi mis nqi hno] es mas hais tias ‘ua tsaug, kuv tsis muaj nyiaj tsuas [yog] muaj kuv txoj kev hlub xwb. Tsis yuav nyiaj los yeej tsis hais.” 

Tus ntxhais no tau qhia hais tias txoj kev hlub tseem ceeb dua cov nyiaj thiab.  Txawm yuav hais li no los yeej tsis tau vim hais tias feem ntau, niam thiab txiv tsis paub tus cwj pwm ntawm tus tub; lawv yuav ntseeg tsis tau nws. Ib yam li ib tug ntxhais, D. L. nyob rau hoob 3 ntawv lub SEASSI program hais txog Hmoob tseem tau hais,

“Niam txiv tsis ntseeg vim txhua tus [tub] yog laib xwb.  Yeej ntseeg tsis tau.”

Yog li no, niam thiab txiv yeej yuav tus nqi xwb.  Tsis tas li ntawd, tseem muaj cov hais tias tsis muaj nyiaj them niam tais thiab yawm txiv.  Li no, yog tsis muaj nyiaj, yeej muaj peb txoj kev pab tau tus tub los them tau tus nqi mis nqi hno: 1. Nrog niam tais yawm txiv nyob los khwv kom tau tus nqi mis nqi hno them niam txiv. 2. Khwv ib leeg kom tau tus nqi mis nqi hno thiaj li tau tus ntxhais los ua neej 3. Mus nug kwv tij neej tsa los pab nws them.  Lwm hnub tseem yuav them lawv rov qab thiab (ML. X., 7/29/04).

 Txhua yam no, Hmoob tseem ua thiab.  Yog hais tias muaj leej twg tsis xav them, yeej muaj peb txoj kev no los pab tau.  Txawm hais tias tsis muaj nyiaj los sis hais tias txoj kev hlub muaj nuj nqi dua, tus tub thiab nws tsev neeg yuav tau lees them xwb.  Tus nqi mis nqi hno tseem ceeb yuav tsum muaj nyob rau txhua lub tshoob.

Tas li ntawv, thaum Hmoob ua tshoob ua kos, tus nqi mis nqi hno tseem ceeb heev.  Nws yog ib yam qhia tau rau niam tais thiab yawm txiv hais tias lawv tus ntxhais yuav ntsib kev noj qab nyob zoo.  Tsis tas li ntawd, tus nqi mis nqi hno tseem yog ib yam khoom pub rau niam txiv vim hais tias nkawv tau yug tus ntxhais ntawd loj hli tiav hluas nkauj kom txawj mus ua nyab.  Cov tsis pom zoo them tus nqi mis nqi hno ntseeg hais tias txoj kev hlub yeej piv tsis tau rau tus nqi mis nqi hnov.  Tiam sis, niam thiab txiv ntseeg tsis tau li no vim nkawv tsis paub tus tub.  Tsis tas li ntawd, cov tsis pom zoo tseem xav hais tias cov tub tsis muaj nyiaj them; li no, txhob muaj tus nqi mis nqi hno zoo dua.  Tiam sis, yeej muaj peb txoj kev kom pab tau tus tub no.  Tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam tseem ceeb vim hais tias niam thiab txiv yeej xav kom tus tub thiab tus ntxhais ntsib kev kaj siab lug thiab tau lub neej zoo xwb.  Li no, tus nqi mis nqi hno yuav tau tshwm sim rau txhua lub rooj tshoob.