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Nws Yog Pes Tsawg ne …Hmoob tus me nqi tshoob?  Tus sau: Pajnyiag Xyooj (University of Wisconsin-Madison) Txawm peb haiv neeg Hmoob ta...

Hmoob tus me nqi tshoob

By November 26, 2017 , ,


Nws Yog Pes Tsawg ne …Hmoob tus me nqi tshoob? 
Tus sau: Pajnyiag Xyooj (University of Wisconsin-Madison)

Txawm peb haiv neeg Hmoob tau tsiv teb tsaws chaw, peb tseem txawj tuav peb tej kev ua dab ua qhua li thaum ub.  Ib yam tseem ceeb nyob rau txoj kev ua dab ua qhua yog kab tshoob kev kos.  Kab tshoob kev kos tseem ceeb vim hais tias txoj kev ua dab ua qhua no muab ob txoj sia los ua ib txoj lawm.  Tiam sis, nyob rau txoj kev ua tshoob ua kos, tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam peb Hmoob tseem tham txog.  Tsis yog hais tias tham thaum lub caij ua tshoob ua kos xwb, Hmoob yeej tham txog yam no sab nrauv thiab.  Tsis tas li ntawd xwb, cov laus nrog rau cov hluas yeej tham txog tus nqi mis nqi hno txhua zaum yuav ua ib rooj tshoob.  Txawm peb tej kev ua dab ua qhua twb nyob ntev npaum twg los, peb yeej tseem sib cav thiab tham txog tej yam no.

Li no, tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam teeb meem nyob rau peb haiv neeg Hmoob.  Yeej muaj cov pom hais tias yog muaj tus nqi mis nqi hno nyob rau ib rooj tshoob, ob tug menyuam yuav ntsib kev kaj siab thiab nkawv txoj kev hlub yuav tsis ploj. Tus nqi mis nqi hno muaj nuj qis vim hais tias nws txhais tau hais tias tus tub yeej hlub tus ntxhais kawg nkaus.  Vim li no, tus nqi mis nqi hno thiaj li tseem ceeb thiab yuav tsum muaj nyob rau txhua lub rooj tshoob. Txoj kev hlub yog ib yam tseem ceeb nyob hauv cov tub ntxhais hluas lub neej.  Thaum nrhiav tau kev hlub thiab ua ntej yuav ua tshoob ua kos, tus tub yuav tau los nrog nws niam nws txiv tham. 

Ua li no, niam thiab txiv yuav tau ua tib zoo xav txog tus ntxhais ua ntej pub nkawv sib yuav Niam thiab txiv yuav tau ua li no vim ob yam: Yuav tsum qhia niam txiv paub ua ntej saib ces Hmoob ntawd (1) puas yog neeg Hmoob zoo los [sis] yog Hmoob tsis zoo, thaum paub [hais] tias yog Hmoob phem ces tso tseg.  Thaum paub [hais] tias yog Hmoob zoo ces niam txiv tso lus kom mus yuav.  (2) Thaum ntawd niam txiv yuav tsum npaj tej yam txhiam xws tos nkauj nyab los txog… (Leepalao, 2000)

Ntawm no yog ib yam xwb ntawm cov kev mus yuav poj niam.  Muaj tsib txoj kev mus yuav poj niam.  Txiv Plig Nyiaj Pov, ib tug txiv plig uas tau tsim cov ntawm lasteem thiab sau txog kab tshoob kev kos nyob rau Nplog teb tau sau hais tias muaj li no:

1.   Arranged marriage: this is the cross-cousin marriage, arranged by the parents, and good for both families because they know each other.

2.  Mutual consent: the young man and woman request their parents’ permission to marry, and negotiations are favorably concluded.

3.  Elopement: the couple run away together and sleep in the young man’s house.

4.  Bride capture: a man and his male relatives “grab” the young woman in the fields or […] take her from her house.  Usually she has given some sign that she wants this.

5.  Forced marriage: the young woman is pregnant (Symonds, 2003).

Tsib txoj kev no pab tau tus tub seb nws yuav xaiv txoj kev twg los yuav nws tus poj niam.  Vim muaj ntau txoj kev mus yuav poj niam, yuav tau nug seb txoj kev twg thiaj li zoo tshaj los sis seb txoj kev twg niam thiab txiv pom zoo tshaj rau.  Np. T. ib tug niam tais muaj 82 xyoo, tau hais tias,

 “Yog tias tus tub nyiam tus ntxhais thiab tus ntxhais tsis yeem, yeej sib yuav tau lawm.  Tiam sis, niam thiab txiv yuav tsum pom zoo rau qhov no.  Qhov zoo tshaj yog mus hais nqi tsev xwb vim li no qhia tau hais tias tus tub yeej nyiam tus ntxhais lawm.”  Tsis tas li ntawd, LM. X., ib tug niam tsev muaj 45 xyoo, tseem tau hais tias,

“Nkawv sib nyiam, nkawv sib yuav xwb es.  Yog yus niam [yus] txiv pom zoo, ces nkawv sib yuav xwb.  Tuaj hais [nqi tsev] zoo dua vim [hais] tias qhov no qhia tau [tus tub] nws yuav sib hlub dua thiab nyiam tus ntxhais kawg nkaus.”

Zoo li tuaj hais tus ntxhais tom tus ntxhais lub tsev zoo dua lwm txoj kev.  Txoj kev no qhia tau rau tus ntxhais niam thiab txiv hais tias tus tub yeej hlub tau thiab tseem muaj peev xwm los hais tus ntxhais tsev neeg.  Txoj kev ib tug tub yuav xaiv los yuav ib tug poj niam yeej tseem ceeb rau nkawv txoj kev hlub.

Ua ntej yuav ua tshoob ua kos, tus tub thiab tus ntxhais ob tsev neeg yuav tau los sib tham txog tus nqi mis nqi hno.  Tus tub thiab tus ntxhais ob tsev neeg yuav tau xaiv plaub tug mej koob.  Maiv Zoov Vwj, ib tug poj niam Hmoob ua hauj lwm nyob Mas Dis Xeem, Wivcoosxis tam sis no thiab tseem tau ua tus thawj coj nyob hauv lub koom haum Hmong National Development tau nrog ib tug mej koob nyob rau Mas Dis Xeem, Wivcoosxis tham txog txoj kev ua ib tug mej koob.  K. X., tus mej koob no tau hais tias,

First of all, the two "mej koob" or marriage negotiators from each side are needed to be the messengers, negotiators, and deliver the wedding.  […] A wise "mej koob" will not ruin his reputation but an unwise one will ruin his reputation after the first couple of times.  […] Parents will use their grapevine to warn each other [about] "bad" marriage negotiators—those who take the wedding as an opportunity to abuse alcohol (drunkards) and those who deliver inaccurate messages between the parents (Vue, “Voices for the Heart: Traditional Hmong Marriage Negotiation”).

Li no, yus pom tau hais tias cov mej koob tseem ceeb heev thaum yuav hais tus nqi mis nqi hno.  Lawv txoj hauj lwm tseem ceeb rau ob pab tsev neeg vim hais tias ob pab tsev neeg tso siab rau lawv kom tau ib tug nqi mis nqi hno zoo.  Tus nqi mis nqi hno yuav yog hais tias niam tais yawm txiv thiab pog yawg pom zoo rau.  Yog ib tsev neeg tsis pom zoo, cov mej koob yuav tau sib tham kom txhua tus haum siab.  Nancy Donnelly (1994), tus sau phau ntawv, Changing Lives Of Refugee Hmong Women, tau sau txog tus nqi mis nqi hno li no:

In defining nqe mis for me, women tended to emphasize the process of raising the child, while men tended to emphasize the cost in such things as clothes or food.  […] For all the Hmong I talked with, bride wealth stood not as a representative of market value but as a symbol of social involvement (Donnelly, 1994).

Donnelly txhais tau hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno tsis zoo li ib tug lej yus nrhiav tau thaum mus yuav khoom tom khw; tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam qhia tau txog tus ntxhais tus kheej nyob hauv Hmoob zej zos.  Tsis tas li ntawd, Robert Cooper (1998), tus sau phau ntawv, The Hmong: A Guide to Traditional Lifestyles tau txhais hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno yog,

“There is, however, a form of bride wealth which remains with the bride, a wedding gift from her family which is not discussed with the family of the groom and which ensures for her a limited independence and security.”

Cooper tau txhais hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam niam tais yawm txiv tsis hais nrog pog yawg ua ntej yuav ua tshoob ua kos.  Tsis tas li ntawd, Hmoob muaj tus nqi mis nqi hno vim hais tias qhov no qhia rau niam tais thiab yawm txiv hais tias yuav tsis muaj teeb meem dab tsi rau tus ntxhais thiab nws yuav tau kev ywj siab thaum mus ua nyab lawm.  Tus nqi mis nqi hno yeej yog ib yam tseem ceeb tshaj plaws thaum ib tug tub thiab ib tug ntxhais xav los sib sau ua neej.

Nyob rau hnub tim 1 lub 6 hli xyoo 2003, lub 18 Xeem nyob rau Minixaustas tau sau ib txoj cai txog tus nqi mis nqi hno.  Xyoo 1996, Lub 18 Xeem los sis lub koom haus “Hmong United International Council of MN” tsim tau los pab Hmoob zej zos.  Lub Koom haum Hmoob 18 Xeem xav pab Hmoob li no:

1.      Assist Minnesota Hmong in their struggle to adapt to and work with the American legal, school, and cultural systems,

2.      Strengthen Hmong cultural connections and identities through education and the traditional and legal systems, and

3.      Build bridges and partnerships between the Hmong and other American communities (Xiong, Hmong Times, 12/16/02).

Lub Koom haum Hmoob 18 Xeem no muaj ntau lub rooj sab laj thiab tseem muaj cov “surveys” los sis cov lus nug rau Hmoob zej zos thaum xyoo 2001 txog txoj cai hais txog tus nqi mis nqi hno.  Txoj cai no hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno yuav yog $5,000 xwb—tsis pub tshaj (Hmong 18 Council, Traditional Hmong Wedding Dowry Policy).  Yeej muaj lwm yam tus tub thiab nws tsev neeg yuav tau them (i.e. thoob xo, saum rooj tshoob); tiam sis, qhov tseem ceeb tshaj yog tus nqi mis nqi hno.  Tam sis no, txoj cai no nyob rau Minixaustas thiab Wivcoosxis lawm.

Thaum saib daim ntawv no tag, yeej yuav muaj kev ntxhov siab.  Yog hais tias lub 18 Xeem twb muaj ntau lub rooj sab laj txog tej yam no thiab tseem muaj lus nug rau Hmoob zej zos, yeej yuav muaj ntau tswv yim los ntawm peb Hmoob sawv daws.  Tiam sis, lub Koom haum Hmoob 18 Xeem twb tsis hais txog cov tswv yim no li. Zoo li, txhua tus yeej pom zoo rau txoj cai no.  Tiam sis,yog muaj leej twg pom zoo rau ib txoj cai, yeej yuav tsum muaj leej twg tsis pom zoo rau thiab.  Tsis tas li ntawd xwb, txhua tus nyob rau lub 18 Xeem no yog txiv neej tag nrho.  Txhua tus yeej pom zoo rau txoj cai no vim hais tias tsis muaj cov poj niam nyob rau hauv lub Koom haum Hmoob 18 Xeem no los sib cav.  Yog muaj poj niam ntshe lub 18 Xeem twb tsis tau sau txoj cai no.  Tsis tas li ntawd, nyob rau lub 18 Xeem hauv xeev Wivcoosxis, tsis muaj leej twg los sawv cev ntawm pab Hmoob Tswb, Faj, Ham, Hawj, thiab Phab (Hmong 18 Council, Traditional Hmong Wedding Dowry Policy).  No tsis zoo vim hais tias txhua pab Hmoob tsis muaj suab los hais txog tus nqi mis nqi hno rau lawv tej ntxhais.  Lub 18 Xeem twb sau tag lawm txog txoj cai no; tiam sis, txoj cai no ua tsis ncaj tsis ncees lawm.

Ntxiv mus, yeej muaj cov pom hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam yuav tau muaj nyob rau txhua lub rooj tshoob xwb.  Nyob hauv phau ntawv, Calling in the Soul los ntawm Patricia Symonds, nws tau sau hais tias:

The bride price payment, referred to as the debt owed to her parents for her milk and food (“milk and care money,” nqe mis nqe hno), ties a woman to her husband and his lineage, giving them rights to her labor, sexuality, and reproduction.  […] If bride price is not paid, the groom’s family forfeits jural rights to the children.  If a woman doesn’t conceive, the groom may return her to her family, who then return the bride price (Symonds, 2003).

Qhov no txhais tau hais tias tus ntxhais muaj ntau yam pub rau nws tsev neeg tshiab yog hais tias nws yuav mus ua lawv tus nyab tshiab.  Tus tub thiab nws tsev neeg tau tus ntxhais txoj kev yug menyuam thiab nws txoj kev sib deev.  Tsis tas li ntawd, yog hais tias tus tub tsis xav them, nws tsev neeg tsis muaj txoj cai los tau cov menyuam tus ntxhais thiab tus tub yuav yug.  Yog hais tias tus ntxhais yug tsis tau menyuam, tus tub tsev neeg xa tau nws rov qab; li no, tus ntxhais niam thiab txiv yuav tau muab tus nqi mis nqi hno them rov qab rau tus tub.  Txoj cai tseem ceeb npaum no vim hais tias tus ntxhais niam thiab txiv yug tau nws loj hlo thiab nws muaj ntau yam yuav pub rau thiab pab tau nws tsev neeg tshiab.  Vim li no, ML. X.j, ib tug poj niam yug tau 5 leeg ntxhais hais li no,

Kuv tsis zoo siab rau qhov tsawg heev.  $10,000 thiaj tsim nyog.  Vim peb khwv khwv thaum nej tseem yau los.  Tus nqi mis no muaj nqi rau kuv kawg.  Twb khwv khwv tu nej, yuav tsum yuav nqi.  Ua li lawv zaj phee [nkauj]—“Kuv yug mob kuv plab nab!” (ML. X., 7/29/04)    ML. X. xav hais tias nws txoj kev yug nws tej ntxhais yog los ntawm nws txoj kev khwv noj khwv haus.  Yog li no, nws yeej xav tau ib tug nqi.  Yeej muaj cov hais tias:

 “Txawm muaj nyiaj los Hmoob yeej tsis muag.  Tus nqi tob hau yog rau niam txiv tus ntxhais xwb (V.V., 7/27/04).”

Qhov no qhia tau hais tias niam txiv tsis muab tus ntxhais muag kom tau nyiaj; tiam sis, niam txiv ntau tus nqi no li ib tug nqi tu tus menyuam hlob.  Tsis tas li ntawd, tus nqi mis nqi hno txhais rau niam thiab txiv hais tias lawv tus ntxhais yuav mus ua lub neej zoo tsis ntsib kev txom nyem thiab nyuaj siab li.  ML. X. tseem tau hais ntxiv hais tias:

“[Kuv pom] zoo [rau tus nqi tob hau] rau qhov [nws yog] kom nkawv sib sib hlub. Thiab txoj kev sib hlub yuav kav ntev zog yog tias yus them.  Tus nqi tob hau lav tau hais tias ob tug yuav ua neej zoo.”  Tus nqi mis nqi hno yeej yog ib yam yuav tau muaj nyob thaum yuav ua tshoob ua kos.

Yog muaj leej twg pom zoo rau tus nqi mis nqi hno, yeej yuav muaj cov ntseeg hais tias tus nqi mis nqi hno tsis yog ib yam tseem ceeb nyob rau txoj kev ua tshoob ua kos.  Cov tsis pom zoo rau yeej tsis xav them vim ntau yam.  Muaj ib tug tub, P. H., nyob rau hoob 3 ntawm lub SEASSI program hais txog Hmoob tau hais li no:

“Yeej tsis xav them vim kuv twb cog lus rau niam txiv tias yuav hlub xwb.”

Ntxiv mus, yus pom hais tias cov tub tsis xav them tus nqi mis nqi hno vim nws txoj kev hlub tseem ceeb dua.  Ib tug ntxhais, NkH., nyob rau hoob 3 ntawm lub SEASSI program hais txog Hmoob tau hais li no:

“Yog hais tias nyiaj tsis muaj nuj nqi, ua cas tsis txhob muaj [tus nqi mis nqi hno] es mas hais tias ‘ua tsaug, kuv tsis muaj nyiaj tsuas [yog] muaj kuv txoj kev hlub xwb. Tsis yuav nyiaj los yeej tsis hais.” 

Tus ntxhais no tau qhia hais tias txoj kev hlub tseem ceeb dua cov nyiaj thiab.  Txawm yuav hais li no los yeej tsis tau vim hais tias feem ntau, niam thiab txiv tsis paub tus cwj pwm ntawm tus tub; lawv yuav ntseeg tsis tau nws. Ib yam li ib tug ntxhais, D. L. nyob rau hoob 3 ntawv lub SEASSI program hais txog Hmoob tseem tau hais,

“Niam txiv tsis ntseeg vim txhua tus [tub] yog laib xwb.  Yeej ntseeg tsis tau.”

Yog li no, niam thiab txiv yeej yuav tus nqi xwb.  Tsis tas li ntawd, tseem muaj cov hais tias tsis muaj nyiaj them niam tais thiab yawm txiv.  Li no, yog tsis muaj nyiaj, yeej muaj peb txoj kev pab tau tus tub los them tau tus nqi mis nqi hno: 1. Nrog niam tais yawm txiv nyob los khwv kom tau tus nqi mis nqi hno them niam txiv. 2. Khwv ib leeg kom tau tus nqi mis nqi hno thiaj li tau tus ntxhais los ua neej 3. Mus nug kwv tij neej tsa los pab nws them.  Lwm hnub tseem yuav them lawv rov qab thiab (ML. X., 7/29/04).

 Txhua yam no, Hmoob tseem ua thiab.  Yog hais tias muaj leej twg tsis xav them, yeej muaj peb txoj kev no los pab tau.  Txawm hais tias tsis muaj nyiaj los sis hais tias txoj kev hlub muaj nuj nqi dua, tus tub thiab nws tsev neeg yuav tau lees them xwb.  Tus nqi mis nqi hno tseem ceeb yuav tsum muaj nyob rau txhua lub tshoob.

Tas li ntawv, thaum Hmoob ua tshoob ua kos, tus nqi mis nqi hno tseem ceeb heev.  Nws yog ib yam qhia tau rau niam tais thiab yawm txiv hais tias lawv tus ntxhais yuav ntsib kev noj qab nyob zoo.  Tsis tas li ntawd, tus nqi mis nqi hno tseem yog ib yam khoom pub rau niam txiv vim hais tias nkawv tau yug tus ntxhais ntawd loj hli tiav hluas nkauj kom txawj mus ua nyab.  Cov tsis pom zoo them tus nqi mis nqi hno ntseeg hais tias txoj kev hlub yeej piv tsis tau rau tus nqi mis nqi hnov.  Tiam sis, niam thiab txiv ntseeg tsis tau li no vim nkawv tsis paub tus tub.  Tsis tas li ntawd, cov tsis pom zoo tseem xav hais tias cov tub tsis muaj nyiaj them; li no, txhob muaj tus nqi mis nqi hno zoo dua.  Tiam sis, yeej muaj peb txoj kev kom pab tau tus tub no.  Tus nqi mis nqi hno yog ib yam tseem ceeb vim hais tias niam thiab txiv yeej xav kom tus tub thiab tus ntxhais ntsib kev kaj siab lug thiab tau lub neej zoo xwb.  Li no, tus nqi mis nqi hno yuav tau tshwm sim rau txhua lub rooj tshoob.

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